A Change in Attitude

SO...I came home one afternoon after a very long day.  I'd been volunteering and it was a HOT Saturday afternoon.  I opened up the door & found this.  My two dogs decided to get into the trash.  Not anything that anyone wants to come home to but.....shortly after this happened, something changed in me & how I look at things like this.   

I can't tell you exactly what or exactly why, other than this...  I saw a picture online one day.  It was of an older adult.  The picture exuded pure joy.  

www.theletterjsupply.com

Something in the picture connected with me in a way I'd never experienced before.  I looked at it & thought, I want that kind of joy in my life every day.  Why don't I have that in my life EVERY day?   Here's why.  I let people & circumstances steal my joy.  I let them drag me down, I focus on the negative instead of moving forward.  I'm 46 years old & I know I will not be here forever.  It's time to just embrace life.  To a adapt, improvise & overcome.  I'm a worrier by nature so this is WORK for me to change my attitude but I am working on it.  I'm trying to roll with whatever life brings me & do my best to minimize the day to day insanity.  

As a full-time working mom, life is full of insanity.  My job is higher stress type of job.  I'm a corporate litigation paralegal.  In the last few years, I did some things to minimize my stress.  I took a job that is literally 7 minutes from my house - 3 miles away after commuting to Kentucky for 5 years (for a job I loved).  My daily commutes alone were incredibly stressful regardless of all I did to mitigate that (like working 7-3 to try to get ahead of rush hour).  My job in KY was stressful but I loved my bosses & my co-workers.   It was a very tough decision to leave that job but it made the most sense to take the job closer to home even if it meant that I would take a cut in pay (which a lot of is made up in the time I gained back, less stress & less gas, wear & tear on my car, etc.).  I have a teenage daughter & there are just not many ways to reduce the stress that brings but I'm doing my best (and praying a lot).  I started running - like, seriously running.  In May, I did my first 1/2 marathon.  Running has become something I love to do, it brings me peace & joy (which is really weird because I always hating running.) 

I spent a few days after seeing that picture of pure joy reflecting on 2017 - on decisions that I made to change my life for the better.  I thought about how we're always changing, evolving and that's a good thing.  So I'm working very hard right now to change my way of thinking, which is not an easy task but I'm up for the challenge.  If I could run a 1/2 marathon at 45, I think I can change my way of thinking to just embrace life -  To find PURE JOY in every day.  

I have read about starting a gratitude journal & think it sounds lovely, except that I don't think I'd actually journal daily.  So instead, I'll try to write down one thing each day in a journal that brought me pure joy. I will be grateful for my life & focus on the positives.  I'll do my best to roll with the negatives.  I'm going to try to do this via my Instagram account.  Follow me @inmylittleworldinoh on Instagram.  

Pray for Me...I Have a Teenager

Pray for Me, I have a Teenager Mug

Yes, that's right.  I have a teenager.  On Wednesday, my youngest & my only daughter turned 13.  Now, this isn't my first rodeo because I have two adult sons.  This IS my first round of the teens with a daughter.  Admittedly, I find it a bit frightening.  Not necessarily because of her but because of the reputation that teen girls have for being vicious to each other.  This is really the biggest issue I worry about.  My daughter is very sensitive.  She always has been.  This is why I've dreaded when the teen years would hit.  I can't even say that so far, we've had any major issues, but I know that at some point, it's likely we will have to deal with some that will not only break her heart, but mine.  I speak from my own personal experiences and pray that she will not have any of the experiences that I had as a teen.  Horrible things said, things that to this day, I cannot forget & carry with me.  The scars of my teen years are pretty well hidden but they are there.  They have had an impact on my self-esteem for years.  So, I arm myself & my daughter with all I can to combat the negativity that can come with being a teenage girl.  I pray for her, for the other girls she goes to school with & their families.  I pray for us, that we will find the right words to handle any such situation that may arise.  I pray that my fear of what's to come doesn't overshadow the amazing growth that occurs during the teen years. 

Teen years are hard for so many reasons.  We went through struggles with teens testing the waters & spreading their wings to find more independence.  It's a rough ride at time but the end result is worth all of the struggle.  It's years of working hard to reinforce all that you've taught them to this point, reminding them of who they are, what's right & what's wrong and watching them grow into a young adult.  Teen years are a lot like watching a caterpillar turn into a butterfly.  They go from gangly, skinny, awkward (both physically & socially) to a more self-assured young adult. 

I thought that I would be very sad when my daughter turned 13.  I'm not.  I'm excited (and scared) for her.  I see her growing into a beautiful young woman, inside & out.  While I worry about her daily social struggles, I remind myself and her that these are small moments in time.  I talk to her every chance I get -  whenever she opens up to me about anything, I listen.  I make suggestions on how to handle things, laugh, cry, hold her, etc.  I work on keeping the lines of communication open.  I want to know what's going on in her world so I can help give her the tools she needs to grow & move forward. 

Recently, I mentioned something in one of my working moms' Facebook groups about struggling with teen girl issues.  Several moms suggested I read Queen Bees and Wannabees.  I'm reading it now and I can tell you that it certainly provides quite a perspective on girls.  I didn't worry much about a lot of these things with my sons.  Boys are indeed quite different from girls so I'm taking all the help I can get to get us all through this next phase of parenting a daughter.    

So, if you have a teenage daughter or an adult daughter, I'd love to hear how you navigated parenting a teenage girl in this world.   

Let Yourself Rest

Is it just me or does anyone else have trouble doing this?  I need to rest but I look around & I also think....I NEED to get all of this done!  I can't rest because everything around me is screaming for my time & attention   So I push forward & keep doing.  It catches up with me though.  I wake up exhausted, mentally & physically.  I find myself feeling depressed & defeated because I can't do it all.  I feel overwhelmed & tired but resting only makes me feel more so.  I took some time to rest yesterday after getting up early & getting a few thing done around the house, we picked out daughter up from a sleepover & ran errands - did all the grocery shopping.  Once we got home, I cleaned out the fridge & freezer, then put everything away, made pasta salad for my son's birthday dinner & decided to read for a bit.  Reading made me more tired, so I laid down & napped for about a 1/2 hour.  Next thing I know, it's time to leave for my son's birthday dinner (around 4:30).  We return home around 10 p.m.  I'm exhausted & go to bed around 11.  I wake up this morning feeling so tired.  Feeling overwhelmed by all I need to accomplish today with no drive or energy to do it.  My thought is that if I'd powered through yesterday - I wouldn't have so much to do today.  However - I am fully aware that I needed that time yesterday even though it loaded my plate for today.  So....instead of getting further down on myself, I'll prioritize what NEEDS to be done today vs. what I want to get done today & focus on that.   I'll set a time frame to for myself to get these things done & went that time is up - I'll relax & let myself rest because those things will all still be there tomorrow.  Like it or not.  

Working towards balance - Weekdays

It seems I'm always striving (just like any other working mom) to find a good work/life balance.  The image above is truly the best representation of all of the things that we're trying to juggle & find time for.  These are all things that are important to me.  Of course my family is my top priority & sometimes, I know that they do not get the best of me because I stretch myself too thin but I'm getting much better & figuring out how to do a better job of balancing my job & my life outside of work.  

I'm realizing that Sundays MUST be a day to prepare mentally & physically for the week ahead.  Here's my plan for Sundays:

• check my calendar for the week ahead
• plan my workouts
• plan my wardrobe
• prep food for the week - fruit & veggies washed, cut up & put into containers or baggies for easy access.  I also find that doing this means these things actually get eaten!  
• menu plan - my husband now does 90% of the cooking since he works from home full time.  It's fantastic because I often walk in the door to the smell of dinner cooking.  We plan the week's menu together
• make sure the house is as clean as it can be to start the week
• get ALL laundry put away & done.  Now we all know that laundry & dishes are never really DONE but you get the picture here.

I'm also planning my days out now.  I am on the board for an organization that is my true passion & right now, there's a LOT going on with that organization & it's requiring a lot of my attention.  I'm also training for a 1/2 marathon so making time to run & workout is (and has to be) a priority.   I email my boss my schedule for the week in terms of when I'll be in the office each Monday.  I've done a little re-working with my schedule & reduced my lunches to a 1/2 hour now which I'm finding makes a huge difference!  My days look a lot like this now.

4:40 a.m. - up & get ready for the gym.

5:00-6:00 a.m. - workout - Running Tuesday, Wednesday (long mid-week run), Thursday.  Monday & Friday are off days for running.  Those days I walk on the treadmill then do circuit training)

6:10-6:45/7:15 a.m. - shower & get ready for work, wake up daughter, light cleaning, laundry

7:00/7:30-4:00/4:30 - work (Mon-Thursday) - I am off early every Friday because I bank the extra hours from earlier in the week

4:45 - dinner, homework help, etc.

5:15 - leave for soccer practice - DD has practice until 6:45 two nights a week right now.  While she's at practice I either run errands or walk.

You get the picture --- Usually one night a week I have a meeting for the non-profit I volunteer for, then there are doctor & dentist appointments, etc. Now we're adding soccer games to the evenings.  Planning the day is now pretty much critical to making sure things don't slip through the cracks & it all gets done.  Well, most of it gets done anyway.  I also try to fit in time with my friends & Fridays are date nights.  Since I get off work early on Fridays we often do our weekly trip to Sam's together, have dinner & drinks somewhere & are back home by 7 or so.  This works pretty well for us & our daughter enjoys having the house to herself for a few hours.  Now the weekends --- well, those are sort of a hot mess & sometimes, the days are planned down to the minute which makes me cherish the weekends where we have nothing or one thing scheduled.    This is how I'm trying to find a place for all of those things in that image above.  It is working fairly well but you know, we're at the beginning of the soccer season & things usually get CRAZY during that time & the best laid plans fall to pieces but I'm striving to keep it together this year!

Progress

I feel as though I'm progressing quite well with my goals for the new year.  Here's why:

• Running 10 minute miles
• Not smoking & not craving it at all
• Training (and registered) for my first 1/2 marathon on May 7.  Flying Pig
• Saying yes to things I want to do & no to things I don't
• Continuing to work on mental clutter
• Continuing family dinners

Oh...still plenty to work on.  I clearly am not hitting the mark on all my goals but I'm working on it!!

New Year - New Me??

A new year is always full of promise & often resolutions that aren't kept.  I've made plenty of resolutions & most fall to the wayside before too long.  So this year I decided to take a long hard look at what I want for this next year of my life (and my family's lives).  

Resolution #1 - take better care of myself, mentally & physically.  This last year brought a lot of changes for me, most of them for the better but there's always room for improvement.  So I have set some goals for myself for this year:

• Run 9-10 minute miles.
• Stop smoking all together - I love to smoke when I drink or get stressed.  I made a bet with my son- $100 to him if I smoke this year, if I don't smoke, he has to run the DAV5K with me in November.  
• Tone up - I spent most of 2016 working to lose close to 30 pounds.  I've achieved that goal but it's not enough for me.  I now want to tone up which may result in more weight loss but that's not the goal - the goal is not to jiggle anymore.  
• Stop saying "yes" to things I don't really want to do.  I've struggled with this for years.  I've gotten better this past year but I've still got work to do.
• Eat healthy!  This is something I've gotten pretty good at after doing Weight Watchers but there's still room for improvement!
• Let go of the mental trash that drags me down & stop worrying about things I can't change!

Resolution #2 - Make family a priority - I've done more of this over the past year but again, there's always room for improvement.  Goals for this year:

• Family game night
• Family movie night
• Family outings several times a month - hopefully these will include hiking once spring & summer roll around
• Continue family dinners on Sundays & add games after dinner

There are always little things that I want to change along with some big things but these are two big priorities for me over this next year.  I also think that these are resolutions I can keep!  I'm contemplating running a 1/2 marathon which would be an amazing accomplishment for someone who swore they'd never run for exercise & stress relief.  

My Passion

Packages from our Third Annual JF Burns Loves the Troops Care Package Drive

See that?  That's my passion...helping to support our troops.  Why? I have two sons who are brave enough to serve our country, protect & defend our freedom.  They are not the only reason but they are certainly the driving force.  You see, once you are part of a military family, you realize that all branches of the military are part of your family.  The mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, sons, daughters, husbands, wives, cousins, etc. they are all your family.  You feel a special connect to members of a military family that you don't with others because you share the same types of experiences. Separation, unknown, unrest, deployments, struggles, government cuts, etc.  A kinship that is different from all others.  We are in this together - we look out for, love & support each other.  You celebrate with them, you cry with them, you worry with them.  You understand what they are going through in a way that only a military family can.  Our lives revolve around leaves, deployments and promotions.  We watch the news differently than most.  We pay attention to what cuts are being made where & why when it comes to the government budgets.

A military mom is a different breed.  It didn't take me long to find out that there is a special sisterhood among military moms.  We will take care of each other and each other's families in a second.  Swiftly, without hesitation.  An encouraging card or letter to military family member who is lonely, homesick or in need of encouragement, care packages, special keepsakes for siblings struggling with separation and the list goes on.  

These boxes represent so much more to me than I could ever explain.  An idea that started three years ago when my son was deployed.  The thought that our deployed service members receive all kinds of letters and packages during the holidays but after that, it's back to what's their version of normal.  I thought it would be nice for them to know we were still thinking about them.  It began with a conversation with our PTO president, who is also a friend. She loved the idea, so we pitched it to our principal, who is a big military supporter.  

The first year we shipped off 27 packages to loved ones of the kids at the school.  The second year, 34 boxes went to a Kings High School graduate who had attended my daughter's elementary school.  His former teachers wrote letters to  go in the packages. His mom & sister came to help and we overwhelmed.  Typing this now, my eyes tear up because I could feel her pain and joy at the same time.  I found a new friend because of that project.  She happens to live in my neighborhood as well.  

This year, I had to look a little further for our package recipients.  Not too far though. We found 3 Kings High School graduates through my contact at the high school and a close family friend of a family at the school.  This year, 46 boxes were packed and shipped.  46!  I didn't have time to process that until after the packages were at the post office.  As I drove off from the post office that afternoon, I sobbed.  I sobbed because I am so thankful to live in this community that is so supportive of our military and their families.  Many are not as fortunate as we are to have this type of support.  This is my passion - supported by my community. I hope to do more & more of this, to see these projects grow and grow.  

My girl

This morning I woke up & looked at the clock and was instantly annoyed.  Yet again, I am wide awake long before I need to be on a Saturday morning.  I laid them for a few minutes wondering why I can't sleep past 5 a.m. and growing more annoyed by the minute.  Until I took a moment.  Lying next to me is my sweet daughter who in the middle of the night, climbed into our bed next to me to snuggle.  Instead of being irritated about being awake, I took that moment and held her in my arms, I snuggled her tighter, smelled her hair and thought about how precious that very moment was.

She's 9, my only child still at home.   She's a hugger and a snuggler.  She loves without abandon.  She's my reminder that there's good in the world, that there's hope for the future.  I'm ever thankful for that little girl.  A child that we weren't sure we would get since doctors had told me about 5 years before we decided to have a baby that if I didn't get pregnant in the next 3-4 years, it may not happen due to all of the scar tissue from years of ovarian cysts.  God blessed us with this beautiful little girl.  A little girl who was showered with love by her parents and her big brothers from the moment she was born.  She's definitely sugar, SPICE and everything nice.  She's a little more spice these days as we hit the pre-teen stage but there's still plenty of sugar.  I'm ever thankful for her.  Both of her big brothers are now grown men.  One far from home in the US Navy, the other married with a precious little girl of his own - thankfully living just a few miles away.  I often think how strange it would be to be an empty nester at 42.  It's harder than I ever imagined to have your kids grow up and not need you anymore.  It's not something that I expected.  Thankfully, I have this sassy girl to keep me busy and on my toes, to continue to fill my heart and my home.  My sweet B.

Nancy Reagan - Just Say No!

That's what life is like once school starts....the fast lane.  Non-stop go, go, go.  However, I will say that this year, is a little less than the usual school year.  Why?  Because a friend of mine, who I will call my own personal Nancy Reagan.

Why do I call her that?  Because she has taught me that it's ok to "just say no."  Through the few years that we have been friends, we have lived what seems like a lifetime together with the ups & downs we have been through.  One of the best things about our friendship is that we are honest with each other.  Neither afraid to tell the other what we really think.  She has told me more than once, that I do too much, I need to slow down, start saying no to things.  Well, she wasn't the first person to tell me that but she was the first person I listened to.  At first it was hard to do.  I felt guilty saying no because I've always said yes, even when I want to say no.  Finally, I said it...NO!!  The more I did it, the less guilty I felt.  Finally, no guilt.  I realized I don't have to be involved in EVERYTHING!  It's okay to just help out here & there, on the things I love to do, not things I feel obligated to do.  I now enjoy the evenings when I can sit at home with my family instead of running like a mad woman!  Just last night, I had my first night of not having to attend a Brownie meeting in 2 years!  Why?  I said no to continuing to be an assistant leader when the opportunity presented itself, I very politely said that I had too much on my plate and felt it best I let someone else fill those shoes.  So you know what I did?  I hung out with "Nancy Reagan!"  We celebrated a victory in our ongoing battle with the school district about head lice (we've literally become known as the  "lice ladies" because of this, but that's another story!) with champagne on her patio.  Somehow the words spilled from my mouth, "You are my Nancy Reagan!  You've helped me learn to 'Just Say No!"  It was the perfect way to kick off the first Brownie meeting....freedom and it was completely guilt free!  Thanks "Nancy Reagan"!

The First Week of School

We've made it through the first week of 3rd grade.  I say we, because being the mom, I often feel like I'm going back to school too.  Forms to fill out, checks to write, emails to send the school, last minute additions to the school supply list that need to be purchased, being nervous for them on their first day with new teachers, well, you get it.  This is the part where my daughter benefits from having 2 full-time working parents.  There's not much of an adjustment in her sleep schedule.  She gets up at 6 a.m. all year long.  Summer break only means we let her stay up a little later since she doesn't need as much rest due to the lack of brain power that must be applied at day camp.  

What it does mean is that:

• I need to leave earlier than I do in the summer because of all of the additional traffic once schools in the Cincinnati area start back up.  
• the evening routines of packing lunches, laying out clothes for the next day, double checking the calenders is WAY more important.
• evenings are for homework, soccer practice and after school activities like Brownies & maybe dance---of course, playing outside as MUCH as possible before or after those things.
• more sleepovers & birthday parties
• B & I both get to see our friends more!
• schedules are SO important now.

So far, we've done well.  Yeah, it's the first week but it went much better than I anticipated.  I'm getting back into the swing of things by keeping up with the house during the week so it doesn't become an all out war against dirt, grime and clutter by Saturday. The result of me volunteering to take one of B's friends overnight tonight along with a meeting with the PTO president & a spirit wear vendor (I'm the "spirit wear chairperson"), plus hubby's fantasy football draft night left me with time on my hands to get a head start on the cleaning that needed to be done.  I made a decision to clean for 1 hour and that's it.  I set the timer & off I went.  In that hour I managed to clean 2 bathrooms, including the 1 tub we have, sweep & mop the kitchen, dining room, entryway, laundry room & both bathrooms, vacuum the first floor & the upstairs, dust the living room and pick it up, throw a load of laundry in, get the coffee maker ready for that early a.m. soccer game we have, restocked some things in the kitchen from the overflow pantry, gathered laundry and a few other things.  I ended up doing all of this in 1 hour & 10 minutes.  The extra 10 minutes was because there was no way I was leaving that living room un-dusted after I just did all that other stuff.  I wanted the first floor done.  Apparently this is what happens when I forego a bottle of wine & the one child left at home is occupied and my husband is gone.  Hmmmm....perhaps this should happen regularly!

I thought about designing some cute labels to put on the snacks we are passing out after the soccer game tomorrow but honestly...no one would care & I'm ready to collapse at 10:26 p.m. on a Friday night.  

Where did summer go?

The only thing I don't like about living in Ohio is that school starts in August.  The summers fly by.  Next week begins the flurry of activity surrounding back to school.  Soccer practice officially begins and so does the end of summer.  This has left me wondering where did summer go?  Now, of course, it's not really over until Labor Day weekend but summer break is coming to an end on August 20.   Since my husband and I work full-time, our daughter doesn't sleep in during the summers, she's busy at day camp all day.  So the mornings will not be much different.  It's the evenings that are about to change.  Homework, soccer practice, Brownie meetings, orientations, conferences, PTO meetings, etc. will suck up all of those hours that are now free time for us all.  This is what I will miss, the free evenings.  The homework battles shall begin along with rushing around to get a meal on the table and get back out the door to the next activity or event.  Meal planning is going to be my new BFF. Schedules are routines become key to smoother evenings and mornings.  Sigh...I'm just not ready for it all.  So I'm hanging onto this last week of summer break...savoring it.  Even though soccer practices start this week, we don't have homework to add to the mix, yet.  I guess I'll look at this as easing us back into the school year.  

Moving along

Okay...so yesterday was NOT as successful as previous days BUT it was not a normal day.  I worked from home due to the ongoing construction.  B went to daycare because they had an awesome field trip planned.  I picked her up & made her something to eat as soon as we got home as her little mouth is sore from her first visit to the orthodontist.  I did sit down with B while she ate & we chatted about her day.  M was solo on dinner last night since B & I had somewhere to be at 5:30.  At 5:30 we went to spend a few hours with friends at their pool.  It was nice.  We left prompty at 7:30 as planned and got ready for bed, made lunches, laid out things for Friday, etc.  That was followed by some snuggle time and once B went to sleep I caught about the last 5 minutes of Sharnado....oh my....terrible terrible tv for sure. 

I've managed to keep up on the laundry this week & stay sort of on track with the menu.  But hey, it's the first week of attempting to get back on track right??

Not perfect but not completely off track

So Wednesday was not ideal as far as staying on track with the goals, but life gets in the way of things so you must roll with the punches & not stress out about it right?  I came home last night & had to park on the street because our driveway was blocked with vehicles of the guys working on our house.  My yard was strewn with old windows, screens, etc., my house torn up on the inside with piles of discarded materials everywhere.  I walked in, grabbed a cocktail & sat out on the deck with M and discussed the days events.  B had spacers put in at the orthodontist and M stayed home to take her & deal with the window guys.  Dinner was late....like 8 p.m. late and B sat with us & chatted about her day so while things didn't go as they had the past few nights, we still took time to focus on and listen to each other.  Hurray for the small victories right?

Progress!

It's far too early in the game to get too excited but Tuesday night was a success.  There was a set back though - doctor's appointment was canceled & no inkling when it will be rescheduled!  Grrr....ONWARD though!  I moved spaghetti night to Tuesday in light of the fact that we didn't HAVE to have leftovers.  Now, Wednesday and Thursday will be leftover nights instead.  The evening was spent doing the following:

• hubby took over making dinner when he got home!
• vacuumed upstairs & downstairs
• cleaned downstairs bathroom- didn't mop
• folded 3 loads of laundry - washed 2.  I found a load that had been sitting in the dryer since Sunday.  Dry thank goodness, just needed to be fluffed up & folded! - all 3 loads put away!!!
• clothes for next day laid out for myself & daughter
• lunches packed, coffee maker ready
• helped B clean the playroom/den - O M GOSH.....What a nightmare & it's not over!  American Girl stuff EVERYWHERE!!!  - however, this was an opportunity for us to hang out and talk, which was nice.
• had a nice dinner as a family, everyone helped clean up
• took B out for ice cream
• Got us to bed on time!!

Getting back into routines

No, it's not time for school to start yet but I've realized something about summer.  I let all the routines go...all of them.  No more family dinners, no more super strict bedtimes (for any of us), no more menu planning, etc.  That's great for a few weeks...but WOW!  It soon takes its toll on things. My daily load of laundry has been forgotten about, which ends up leaving me with mounds of laundry, to wash, dry, fold & put away rather than putting away a load a day (or every other day as the amount of laundry demands).  Dinner became hot dogs, peanut butter & honey sandwiches or whatever could be heated up in the microwave in a matter of minutes to feed a kid who comes home from daycamp starving.  Parents & child are tired, very tired...all week, not just Monday.  So this week, I'm trying to get us back to routines.  Here are the goals for the week:

• Dinner as a family 5 out of 7 days
• 1 load of laundry every 2 days to be washed, dried, folded & put away
• Menu plan for the week: 
• Monday - sloppy joes, mac & cheese with fresh veggies
• Tuesday- leftovers unless hubby decides to cook since we have an appt. from 5-6
• Wednesday - spaghetti, salad & garlic bread
• Thursday - leftovers
• Friday - chicken tacos/nachos
• Saturday - pork chops, rice & california blend veggies
• Sunday - lemon chicken, rice, salad & fresh veggies
• Regular bedtimes for myself & my daughter

Last night was a success for the family meal.  We had a nice dinner, cleaned up together then enjoyed watching TV together, all three of us.  This is unusual.  I ran errands & still had time to spend with my daughter, just her & I talking while I painted her nails in the colors of her choice.  Bedtime was a bit off schedule but not too far behind.  It was worth it since I got to spend that time with my daughter.  She even seemed a little happier this morning when I woke her.  We'll see how tonight goes!

Step 1 in getting rid of distractions and THINGS

This morning I got up, got my coffee & got to it.  I have a cabinet with 3 baskets - all labeled.  The problem?  They were overflowing, I couldn't find anything and 90% of what was in there wasn't any good anymore!  Those baskets are now organized and only what's needed to be in them is left.  Myself and my husband can now find what we need easily.  I also cleaned out the cabinet under my microwave & organized it.  I eliminated the overflow of coffee mugs in my cabinet & put them in a bag to donate that I intend on adding to.  I'm not planning on getting the whole kitchen & dining room done in a weekend but I figure, if I do a little each weekend - I won't get overwhelmed and before I know it, I'll be able to move on to the next room!

Collect Moments Not Things

Ever start to re-think your priorities in life?  What’s most important?  It’s not things.  It’s moments.  As I looked around my house after a much needed vacation, I have come to realize, there are far too many THINGS in my house.  Those things get in the way of moments because those THINGS need to be cleaned, moved, addressed.  I want more MOMENTS in my life and less THINGS.  So I have a goal now.  To start eliminating THINGS – Room by Room.  I’m going to go through each room and anything I don’t LOVE or NEED must go.  My son & daughter-in-law are going to love it because they get first dibs on whatever gets tossed into the boxes.  I have one child left at home.  She needs more moments with us.  These THINGS take my attention away from having those MOMENTS.  These THINGS must go.  I’m starting this weekend.  I think I’ll post the progress as I start in the kitchen & dining room.  Life needs to be more simple.  I look at my daughter and think, there are too many distractions keeping me from being the parent I want to be.  Time to start eliminating them.  Before I know it, she will not ask me for “snuggle time.”  I know how quickly they grow up.  I need to cherish these moments.  I have a granddaughter that will need those same things from me.  I WANT to be there for them both.  Time to get serious about what’s most important and focus on my real priorities.  MOMENTS….not THINGS!

Trials

It seems for the past 3 years, my life has become a series of trials.  I feel like I should have seen it coming.  I should not have been blind sided by the first one, therefore, I should know that there is another one coming.  Each time, I don't see it coming....they hit me like a ton of bricks. I learn something new from each one but I will tell you that the process continues to be extremely painful.  My latest trial is about trusting and letting my guard down.

I let my guard down fairly quickly when I moved to OH.  I felt safe and at home here immediately.  I made friends easily.  Only a few at first, however, after 11 years here, I have made many friends.  Some of which I considered to be closer than others.  Letting people in and trusting has always been an issue for me. You see, if you are privy to information about my childhood, you know why.  Betrayed and hurt by those I loved the most, trusting has been something I have long struggled with.  It took years for me to get to where I am today...ok not today, where I was about 2 weeks ago when a close, trusted friend of 4 years broke my heart and my trust into a million tiny pieces.  She broke up with me as a friend.  No reason...just that the "season of our friendship had faded with time."  EXCUSE ME?!?!  WHAT?!  Yeah...I begged her not to give up on our friendship, told her I loved her & treasured our friendship.  Her reply after I poured my heart out?  "Be respectful & don't take it personally."  WHAT?! EXCUSE ME??!  Please explain how I am NOT supposed to take it personally.  Sleepless nights & many tears have followed this.  It's left me shell shocked & confused.  It's left me questioning things and thinking non-stop about who I am, what kind of friend and person I am and about opening myself up to be hurt like this again.  

Today as I stood cleaning out my closet....I thought about all of this again....cleaning is therapy for me.  Purging...it's like re-hab.  I realized that while I am still hurting, I am blessed beyond measure by having opened myself up like this.  I have made some of the most amazing friends.  Friends who leave me feeling like my heart will explode from the joy that they bring into my life.  And I have fantastic memories and many good times that I shared with my "ex-girlfriend" and her family.  I would not trade those to have NOT experienced this pain.  I'm certain that there is a purpose for this trial, like the others.  I just don't know what it is yet.  Maybe it's that it's ok to trust & take the chance at being hurt bc there is so much joy to be had.  I can say, that of all of the places I have lived in my 41 years....this place is home.  This community is where I belong.  The connections I have made here make me feel as though this is where I belong.  I have yet to come to terms with the break-up.  I will, it's just hurtful and I miss her...but I try to view it as she opened up a spot in my heart and my life for someone else.  Perhaps, someone who will appreciate what I have to offer...I'm not perfect.  I never claimed to be.  Accept me flaws and all or walk away.  Apparently, this time walking away was what was best.  My guess is that, in the end, this will be what's best for me too.  While I lick my wounds, I will bask in the glow of the friends who have scratched their heads with me on this one, shared my pain and anger along with a bottle or 4 of wine.  No matter what, I will not close myself off again. The joy that I opened myself up to once I moved here is so much more than I ever could have imagined.  

My life as the Liceinator

Yep, you read that right...the Liceinator.  During spring break, B was infested with the creepy, crawly little buggers.  A race to the drug store for lice killing shampoo and other assorted lice goodies was done.  Along with the lice treatment, mad cleaning was done to eliminate every trace of every body of those gross little things.  7-10 days later, another treatment was in order just to make sure that they were all gone.  No sign of them....whew!  

In the mean time, a mixture of tea tree oil and detangler was used daily.  Along with tea tree oil in her shampoo.  Lice apparently don't like it.  

One day....two bugs appeared in that head of thick, gorgeous curly hair.  However, nothing else was there.  One of my neighbors did a lice check on her because she works at a school where she is required to do weekly checks.  She's a pro at it!  (Not something she enjoys about her job or a title she likes having)  Nothing, no eggs...nothing.  Seems they had found their way into her hair from another warm body.  So....I combed her hair out nightly with the nit comb to make sure there was nothing at the advice of my neighbor.  Nothing.

I stopped combing her hair out each night for a week.  A month from the date of the first infestation...BAM!  There they were again!  WHAT?!!  Seriously?!?!?  I contacted the school; again.  I advised the school nurse that I was concerned that there was an ongoing issue with lice at the school.  Her reply to me left me scratching my head and not because I had become infested.  She told me that I was the only parent that had reported it.  I knew that this was NOT true because I knew of at least 2 other parents that had reported it directly to her and possibly at third parent who I knew at the very least had told her child's teacher.  The school (a school I love, love, love) refuses to send out a note to parents advising that there are kids with lice at the school and to keep any eye on your kids.  You see, the doctor told me flat out, she had been re-exposed to lice and 99% of the time, it's at school.  Someone she is friends with has had an ongoing issue with lice and has apparently kept it to themselves or the nurse just refuses to do anything.  Talk about frustrating.  New steps had to be taken.

I gave up on the chemically based treatments in the drug store.   No, I'm not a hippy but  I'll tell you that I saw what that stuff did to B's head.  It was horrible.  It fried her scalp.  It took weeks for it to heal.  We moved on to mayonnaise gooped on and combed with a lovely shower cap to smother the life out of those bionic lice.  I did that twice within 3 days.  I comb her hair out every single night with the nit comb.  She is forbidden (which breaks my heart) from hugging her friends since we have no clue who it's coming from.  She must wear her hair up every day.  Once her hair is up, I spray it down with tea tree oil & water.  It's really not the most pleasant smell, it smells sterile and not all girly & pretty but for now, we'll deal with it.  

It's gotten so bad that B actually told me to take her in to get her hair cut short.  She's been begging me for 2 years to let her grow her hair long.  I finally gave in and the lice came.  Tears upon tears have been shed over this....by me and by her.  Countless hours have been spent waging this battle.  Time and effort into researching.  Phone conversations with my fellow liceinator friends who have been dealing with it too.  So much so that we had a mayo party for our girls.  The girls got their mayo treatment and hung out together, my fellow liceinator & I drank a couple of glasses of wine & discussed the woes of head lice and the lack of communication on the school's part.  Until the end of the school year, weekly mayo treatments and nightly comb outs will be a part of the routine.   And...I'll pray to God that we never encounter this nightmare again!  

New roles

So yesterday, I added a new role to my life.  Navy Mom.  My son is officially a US Navy Sailor.  Unlike my other son, who is in the Army Reserves, this one is active duty.  This means he will be gone somewhere protecting and serving our country full-time.  This is my BABY boy.  The child that was home the longest.  Yesterday I watched him graduate from basic training.  I cried.  Not tears of sadness but tears of pride & joy.  Some may not understand that.  My tears of joy were in that I knew that my son had found his calling in life.  After muddling through a semester of college, he realized it wasn't for him.  At least not yet.  We allowed him to try to sort it out & figure out what he wanted to do by not abiding by our own rules.  Our rule was, if you are in college, you live at home free of charge.  If you aren't you pay rent or move out.  We knew he wasn't ready to be on his own so we didn't push it but we hoped he'd figure it out.  He did.  Yesterday, I knew without a shadow of a doubt, my son had found his thing.  He was so full of excitement and enthusiasm !  It was something I had rarely seen from him.  He shined.  I could feel his sense of pride.  I knew that he had accomplished a huge goal.  Getting through basic training is no small feat.  He did it.  My little blonde haired, green eyes, sweet boy is now a US Navy Seaman Apprentice.  That boy is still there, but there is a new shine about him brought on only by the accomplishments he has made in the last 2 months.  I look forward to seeing what he accomplishes in the future.  I never doubted him or what he was capable of.  He told me that he doubted himself, I told him that I didn't doubt him for a second.  I knew that he could overcome whatever challenge came his way because he'd already overcame such huge hurdles in his life.  I told him that while he might have doubted himself, I never had a doubt that he'd make it.  I could not be more proud of my sailor.  I can't wait to see where he goes from here!