Moving along

Okay...so yesterday was NOT as successful as previous days BUT it was not a normal day.  I worked from home due to the ongoing construction.  B went to daycare because they had an awesome field trip planned.  I picked her up & made her something to eat as soon as we got home as her little mouth is sore from her first visit to the orthodontist.  I did sit down with B while she ate & we chatted about her day.  M was solo on dinner last night since B & I had somewhere to be at 5:30.  At 5:30 we went to spend a few hours with friends at their pool.  It was nice.  We left prompty at 7:30 as planned and got ready for bed, made lunches, laid out things for Friday, etc.  That was followed by some snuggle time and once B went to sleep I caught about the last 5 minutes of Sharnado....oh my....terrible terrible tv for sure. 

I've managed to keep up on the laundry this week & stay sort of on track with the menu.  But hey, it's the first week of attempting to get back on track right??

Not perfect but not completely off track

So Wednesday was not ideal as far as staying on track with the goals, but life gets in the way of things so you must roll with the punches & not stress out about it right?  I came home last night & had to park on the street because our driveway was blocked with vehicles of the guys working on our house.  My yard was strewn with old windows, screens, etc., my house torn up on the inside with piles of discarded materials everywhere.  I walked in, grabbed a cocktail & sat out on the deck with M and discussed the days events.  B had spacers put in at the orthodontist and M stayed home to take her & deal with the window guys.  Dinner was late....like 8 p.m. late and B sat with us & chatted about her day so while things didn't go as they had the past few nights, we still took time to focus on and listen to each other.  Hurray for the small victories right?

Progress!

It's far too early in the game to get too excited but Tuesday night was a success.  There was a set back though - doctor's appointment was canceled & no inkling when it will be rescheduled!  Grrr....ONWARD though!  I moved spaghetti night to Tuesday in light of the fact that we didn't HAVE to have leftovers.  Now, Wednesday and Thursday will be leftover nights instead.  The evening was spent doing the following:

• hubby took over making dinner when he got home!
• vacuumed upstairs & downstairs
• cleaned downstairs bathroom- didn't mop
• folded 3 loads of laundry - washed 2.  I found a load that had been sitting in the dryer since Sunday.  Dry thank goodness, just needed to be fluffed up & folded! - all 3 loads put away!!!
• clothes for next day laid out for myself & daughter
• lunches packed, coffee maker ready
• helped B clean the playroom/den - O M GOSH.....What a nightmare & it's not over!  American Girl stuff EVERYWHERE!!!  - however, this was an opportunity for us to hang out and talk, which was nice.
• had a nice dinner as a family, everyone helped clean up
• took B out for ice cream
• Got us to bed on time!!

Getting back into routines

No, it's not time for school to start yet but I've realized something about summer.  I let all the routines go...all of them.  No more family dinners, no more super strict bedtimes (for any of us), no more menu planning, etc.  That's great for a few weeks...but WOW!  It soon takes its toll on things. My daily load of laundry has been forgotten about, which ends up leaving me with mounds of laundry, to wash, dry, fold & put away rather than putting away a load a day (or every other day as the amount of laundry demands).  Dinner became hot dogs, peanut butter & honey sandwiches or whatever could be heated up in the microwave in a matter of minutes to feed a kid who comes home from daycamp starving.  Parents & child are tired, very tired...all week, not just Monday.  So this week, I'm trying to get us back to routines.  Here are the goals for the week:

• Dinner as a family 5 out of 7 days
• 1 load of laundry every 2 days to be washed, dried, folded & put away
• Menu plan for the week: 
• Monday - sloppy joes, mac & cheese with fresh veggies
• Tuesday- leftovers unless hubby decides to cook since we have an appt. from 5-6
• Wednesday - spaghetti, salad & garlic bread
• Thursday - leftovers
• Friday - chicken tacos/nachos
• Saturday - pork chops, rice & california blend veggies
• Sunday - lemon chicken, rice, salad & fresh veggies
• Regular bedtimes for myself & my daughter

Last night was a success for the family meal.  We had a nice dinner, cleaned up together then enjoyed watching TV together, all three of us.  This is unusual.  I ran errands & still had time to spend with my daughter, just her & I talking while I painted her nails in the colors of her choice.  Bedtime was a bit off schedule but not too far behind.  It was worth it since I got to spend that time with my daughter.  She even seemed a little happier this morning when I woke her.  We'll see how tonight goes!

Step 1 in getting rid of distractions and THINGS

This morning I got up, got my coffee & got to it.  I have a cabinet with 3 baskets - all labeled.  The problem?  They were overflowing, I couldn't find anything and 90% of what was in there wasn't any good anymore!  Those baskets are now organized and only what's needed to be in them is left.  Myself and my husband can now find what we need easily.  I also cleaned out the cabinet under my microwave & organized it.  I eliminated the overflow of coffee mugs in my cabinet & put them in a bag to donate that I intend on adding to.  I'm not planning on getting the whole kitchen & dining room done in a weekend but I figure, if I do a little each weekend - I won't get overwhelmed and before I know it, I'll be able to move on to the next room!

Collect Moments Not Things

Ever start to re-think your priorities in life?  What’s most important?  It’s not things.  It’s moments.  As I looked around my house after a much needed vacation, I have come to realize, there are far too many THINGS in my house.  Those things get in the way of moments because those THINGS need to be cleaned, moved, addressed.  I want more MOMENTS in my life and less THINGS.  So I have a goal now.  To start eliminating THINGS – Room by Room.  I’m going to go through each room and anything I don’t LOVE or NEED must go.  My son & daughter-in-law are going to love it because they get first dibs on whatever gets tossed into the boxes.  I have one child left at home.  She needs more moments with us.  These THINGS take my attention away from having those MOMENTS.  These THINGS must go.  I’m starting this weekend.  I think I’ll post the progress as I start in the kitchen & dining room.  Life needs to be more simple.  I look at my daughter and think, there are too many distractions keeping me from being the parent I want to be.  Time to start eliminating them.  Before I know it, she will not ask me for “snuggle time.”  I know how quickly they grow up.  I need to cherish these moments.  I have a granddaughter that will need those same things from me.  I WANT to be there for them both.  Time to get serious about what’s most important and focus on my real priorities.  MOMENTS….not THINGS!

Trials

It seems for the past 3 years, my life has become a series of trials.  I feel like I should have seen it coming.  I should not have been blind sided by the first one, therefore, I should know that there is another one coming.  Each time, I don't see it coming....they hit me like a ton of bricks. I learn something new from each one but I will tell you that the process continues to be extremely painful.  My latest trial is about trusting and letting my guard down.

I let my guard down fairly quickly when I moved to OH.  I felt safe and at home here immediately.  I made friends easily.  Only a few at first, however, after 11 years here, I have made many friends.  Some of which I considered to be closer than others.  Letting people in and trusting has always been an issue for me. You see, if you are privy to information about my childhood, you know why.  Betrayed and hurt by those I loved the most, trusting has been something I have long struggled with.  It took years for me to get to where I am today...ok not today, where I was about 2 weeks ago when a close, trusted friend of 4 years broke my heart and my trust into a million tiny pieces.  She broke up with me as a friend.  No reason...just that the "season of our friendship had faded with time."  EXCUSE ME?!?!  WHAT?!  Yeah...I begged her not to give up on our friendship, told her I loved her & treasured our friendship.  Her reply after I poured my heart out?  "Be respectful & don't take it personally."  WHAT?! EXCUSE ME??!  Please explain how I am NOT supposed to take it personally.  Sleepless nights & many tears have followed this.  It's left me shell shocked & confused.  It's left me questioning things and thinking non-stop about who I am, what kind of friend and person I am and about opening myself up to be hurt like this again.  

Today as I stood cleaning out my closet....I thought about all of this again....cleaning is therapy for me.  Purging...it's like re-hab.  I realized that while I am still hurting, I am blessed beyond measure by having opened myself up like this.  I have made some of the most amazing friends.  Friends who leave me feeling like my heart will explode from the joy that they bring into my life.  And I have fantastic memories and many good times that I shared with my "ex-girlfriend" and her family.  I would not trade those to have NOT experienced this pain.  I'm certain that there is a purpose for this trial, like the others.  I just don't know what it is yet.  Maybe it's that it's ok to trust & take the chance at being hurt bc there is so much joy to be had.  I can say, that of all of the places I have lived in my 41 years....this place is home.  This community is where I belong.  The connections I have made here make me feel as though this is where I belong.  I have yet to come to terms with the break-up.  I will, it's just hurtful and I miss her...but I try to view it as she opened up a spot in my heart and my life for someone else.  Perhaps, someone who will appreciate what I have to offer...I'm not perfect.  I never claimed to be.  Accept me flaws and all or walk away.  Apparently, this time walking away was what was best.  My guess is that, in the end, this will be what's best for me too.  While I lick my wounds, I will bask in the glow of the friends who have scratched their heads with me on this one, shared my pain and anger along with a bottle or 4 of wine.  No matter what, I will not close myself off again. The joy that I opened myself up to once I moved here is so much more than I ever could have imagined.