Trials

It seems for the past 3 years, my life has become a series of trials.  I feel like I should have seen it coming.  I should not have been blind sided by the first one, therefore, I should know that there is another one coming.  Each time, I don't see it coming....they hit me like a ton of bricks. I learn something new from each one but I will tell you that the process continues to be extremely painful.  My latest trial is about trusting and letting my guard down.

I let my guard down fairly quickly when I moved to OH.  I felt safe and at home here immediately.  I made friends easily.  Only a few at first, however, after 11 years here, I have made many friends.  Some of which I considered to be closer than others.  Letting people in and trusting has always been an issue for me. You see, if you are privy to information about my childhood, you know why.  Betrayed and hurt by those I loved the most, trusting has been something I have long struggled with.  It took years for me to get to where I am today...ok not today, where I was about 2 weeks ago when a close, trusted friend of 4 years broke my heart and my trust into a million tiny pieces.  She broke up with me as a friend.  No reason...just that the "season of our friendship had faded with time."  EXCUSE ME?!?!  WHAT?!  Yeah...I begged her not to give up on our friendship, told her I loved her & treasured our friendship.  Her reply after I poured my heart out?  "Be respectful & don't take it personally."  WHAT?! EXCUSE ME??!  Please explain how I am NOT supposed to take it personally.  Sleepless nights & many tears have followed this.  It's left me shell shocked & confused.  It's left me questioning things and thinking non-stop about who I am, what kind of friend and person I am and about opening myself up to be hurt like this again.  

Today as I stood cleaning out my closet....I thought about all of this again....cleaning is therapy for me.  Purging...it's like re-hab.  I realized that while I am still hurting, I am blessed beyond measure by having opened myself up like this.  I have made some of the most amazing friends.  Friends who leave me feeling like my heart will explode from the joy that they bring into my life.  And I have fantastic memories and many good times that I shared with my "ex-girlfriend" and her family.  I would not trade those to have NOT experienced this pain.  I'm certain that there is a purpose for this trial, like the others.  I just don't know what it is yet.  Maybe it's that it's ok to trust & take the chance at being hurt bc there is so much joy to be had.  I can say, that of all of the places I have lived in my 41 years....this place is home.  This community is where I belong.  The connections I have made here make me feel as though this is where I belong.  I have yet to come to terms with the break-up.  I will, it's just hurtful and I miss her...but I try to view it as she opened up a spot in my heart and my life for someone else.  Perhaps, someone who will appreciate what I have to offer...I'm not perfect.  I never claimed to be.  Accept me flaws and all or walk away.  Apparently, this time walking away was what was best.  My guess is that, in the end, this will be what's best for me too.  While I lick my wounds, I will bask in the glow of the friends who have scratched their heads with me on this one, shared my pain and anger along with a bottle or 4 of wine.  No matter what, I will not close myself off again. The joy that I opened myself up to once I moved here is so much more than I ever could have imagined.  

My life as the Liceinator

Yep, you read that right...the Liceinator.  During spring break, B was infested with the creepy, crawly little buggers.  A race to the drug store for lice killing shampoo and other assorted lice goodies was done.  Along with the lice treatment, mad cleaning was done to eliminate every trace of every body of those gross little things.  7-10 days later, another treatment was in order just to make sure that they were all gone.  No sign of them....whew!  

In the mean time, a mixture of tea tree oil and detangler was used daily.  Along with tea tree oil in her shampoo.  Lice apparently don't like it.  

One day....two bugs appeared in that head of thick, gorgeous curly hair.  However, nothing else was there.  One of my neighbors did a lice check on her because she works at a school where she is required to do weekly checks.  She's a pro at it!  (Not something she enjoys about her job or a title she likes having)  Nothing, no eggs...nothing.  Seems they had found their way into her hair from another warm body.  So....I combed her hair out nightly with the nit comb to make sure there was nothing at the advice of my neighbor.  Nothing.

I stopped combing her hair out each night for a week.  A month from the date of the first infestation...BAM!  There they were again!  WHAT?!!  Seriously?!?!?  I contacted the school; again.  I advised the school nurse that I was concerned that there was an ongoing issue with lice at the school.  Her reply to me left me scratching my head and not because I had become infested.  She told me that I was the only parent that had reported it.  I knew that this was NOT true because I knew of at least 2 other parents that had reported it directly to her and possibly at third parent who I knew at the very least had told her child's teacher.  The school (a school I love, love, love) refuses to send out a note to parents advising that there are kids with lice at the school and to keep any eye on your kids.  You see, the doctor told me flat out, she had been re-exposed to lice and 99% of the time, it's at school.  Someone she is friends with has had an ongoing issue with lice and has apparently kept it to themselves or the nurse just refuses to do anything.  Talk about frustrating.  New steps had to be taken.

I gave up on the chemically based treatments in the drug store.   No, I'm not a hippy but  I'll tell you that I saw what that stuff did to B's head.  It was horrible.  It fried her scalp.  It took weeks for it to heal.  We moved on to mayonnaise gooped on and combed with a lovely shower cap to smother the life out of those bionic lice.  I did that twice within 3 days.  I comb her hair out every single night with the nit comb.  She is forbidden (which breaks my heart) from hugging her friends since we have no clue who it's coming from.  She must wear her hair up every day.  Once her hair is up, I spray it down with tea tree oil & water.  It's really not the most pleasant smell, it smells sterile and not all girly & pretty but for now, we'll deal with it.  

It's gotten so bad that B actually told me to take her in to get her hair cut short.  She's been begging me for 2 years to let her grow her hair long.  I finally gave in and the lice came.  Tears upon tears have been shed over this....by me and by her.  Countless hours have been spent waging this battle.  Time and effort into researching.  Phone conversations with my fellow liceinator friends who have been dealing with it too.  So much so that we had a mayo party for our girls.  The girls got their mayo treatment and hung out together, my fellow liceinator & I drank a couple of glasses of wine & discussed the woes of head lice and the lack of communication on the school's part.  Until the end of the school year, weekly mayo treatments and nightly comb outs will be a part of the routine.   And...I'll pray to God that we never encounter this nightmare again!