It started yesterday. It's just one of those feelings that you can't shake. Sadness, heaviness in your heart, feeling overwhelmed. Why? I can't even say because I'm not sure what it is. Things are going well at home and work. I have things under control. My son is going through a split with his wife but even that's going fairly well. It's winter, it's gloomy, depressing, draining etc. I think I've been thinking too much. Thinking about all the ways I'm falling short in my life, as a wife, mother, friend, employee, etc. I'm tired, I'm feeling as though I am not enough. It's a horrible feeling, especially not knowing exactly what brought the feeling on.
The alarm went off this morning & I laid there thinking how much I just didn't want to get out of bed. How much I didn't want to go to work or start the day....knowing full well that once I got out of bed & got moving, that I would feel better. So I did it. Today seems as though it's going to be one of those days where I fight to keep my focus on the positives, what I am doing right, what I can do to fix what & where I feel I'm falling short. I'm annoyed by everyone & everything right now. Why? No reason. I just am. I'm grumpy, irritable....but I'm keeping it to myself as much as possible.
So tonight, I will hit the gym & come home to work on homework with my daughter, make & have dinner with my family, including my son & granddaughter, go to bed & get up to do it all over again tomorrow. Hopefully as the day progresses, I can shake this feeling that is hanging over me like a black could.